She's been gone for 2.5 years now and yet . . .
How does that happen? How does someone never die even after they die? I was starting to feel sad a few days before Mother's Day and didn't even realize it was related to missing my mother. I spoke to someone the other day whose mother has been gone for many years and yet clearly she is alive in their heart and even influencing their life still.
This is the blessing and curse of being a mother I suppose.
We have so much influence and yet we can feel so powerless at the same time. It is a role full of paradox. Our children need us desperately and yet they push us away in order to become themselves. We can be quickly blamed for a myriad of things and then years later be thanked for the exact same things.
Who would want to be a mother?
Well, my mother did and I am glad she did. In the 60's there were ways to end a pregnancy even though it was not legal yet. I was not a planned pregnancy and my presence forced a lot of people to make some decisions. But my mother never treated me that way. She never spoke a word about me being an unwanted pregnancy. In fact she had me baptized in the Catholic church even after they wouldn't let her get married in the church because she was pregnant prior to getting married. That is a tremendous act of humility on my mother's part and from what I can tell, she may have been all alone when she did it too.
That is a gift she gave me when she was 19 years old that I have only come to appreciate now as a 53 year old woman.
Who would want to be a mother?
In the past year I have begun to explore my own Catholic journey. It is not something that was ever on my "to do" list until God put it on my "get this done" list. So now the humble act of my mother 53 years ago is a gift to me today even though she has been gone for 2.5 years. How did God do that?
That might be why people become mothers.
A mother never dies and they can bless you even from the other side. It's a really hard job though. A single day of celebration seems hardly fitting for all that a mother does. But as a mother myself, I know I am not in it for the praise. I am in love. I am in love with my children and the God who made them. I am also thankful for my husband for being on the ride with me and I love him too!
So thank you mom. I am a good mom and you get some credit for that. Thank you for gifts I am still discovering. May I offer my children the same after my days on this earth are spent.
Miss you,
Andee
