We will be going home for Thanksgiving this year. Sadly my brother will be heading off to jail in December for 3 months so this will be our Christmas together as well. But it will be much more than that for all of us. We are inviting family and friends to stop by and say their goodbyes to my mother.
During my visit in October I watched her completely loose my Dad for a time. They were just sitting at the table and she started to cry and shrivel. He spoke quiet and tender words to her as if speaking to a frightened child and slowly coaxed her back. It was very beautiful and tragic to watch, but we had been waiting for this day.
The truth is that my mother's health is really not bad. She may have several years of life left in her for all we know. But soon she will not know us anymore, so it's time to say our goodbyes. That is the hard part. It's really about us and not her. We need closure and it is tricky because some days are better than others, but if we waited til she was physically dead to say goodbye, our hearts would be left in limbo.
It is complicated though too. You don't want to upset her with too much sadness so we are having an open house the day after Thanksgiving and just enjoying an evening together. My hope is that people will cry it out as they drive home. Personally, I want a time for my kids to enjoy their grandmother but I also understand as a family this is not the end. It really feels like a beginning in many ways.
Me, my brother and my son are cooking Thanksgiving dinner. I expect it to be very fun and for there to be a fair amount of dancing and singing. Goodbyes are sad, but they can still be good memories.
Lately, I can see my father turning a corner as well as he has started to release his stuff. That's a big move for that generation. He grew up pretty poor, so stuff creates a sense of security. But sadly over time, it also creates a lot of work when it's time to undergo a change of life. But I am very proud of the hard choices he makes everyday to run their home, care for my mother, oversee the finances and tend to his own health. Somehow he even has time to ask me how I am doing.
I am also very proud of my brother. Going to jail doesn't sound good, but he is doing his time for some bad choices he made awhile ago. After he gets out, he can put his life back together as well. My brother and dad are good men who have spent too much of their lives rescuing others and hating themselves for it. But we have all grown through this process in our love for each other and in our understanding of our broken family systems. I am sure it never crossed my mind that God could bring healing to our family through my mother's disease. His ways are not my own. Today I am thankful for that.
Over the summer, our family went to breakfast together and it was a wonderful morning. Lots of laughter and good food. Outside the restaurant we had someone take a picture of the 4 of us. We all have big smiles and our hair is even combed. My brother has Redemption written across his shirt. It's a good picture of a good day.
When I looked for a frame at the store, I was with my son. I looked at several but the one we both agreed on had the words "Fairy Tales do come true!" written on the bottom. I am sure it is supposed to be a wedding frame, but who cares. If I was honest, all I really wanted as a kid was a safe and loving home. That seems accurate considering it is all I want for my own kids now. But safety is one of those words you have to wrestle with because it probably looks really different in your head than it does to the Lord. But He is the author and perfecter of our faith, so I think I will go with his picture and not my own from here out.
Thanksgiving will be a hard day. I will pull away and cry more than a couple times, but it will be a good day and we will encourage each other all the more as we see the day approaching. Jesus will be with us and we will see His glory.
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